I don't know quite why but I find I am pushing someone away from me. At first, it was subconscious, but now it's very clear and now intentional. Our friendship started fast and easy. It moved a little too fast, for me that is. Soon I was in a position where I felt like I was being suffocated. I don't know if it's me and this is just another tick on the notches of all the friends I don't have anymore, or soon won't. I used to think that I just lost touch with them, no longer in their immediate circles, communication was no longer regular and thus became scarce, eventually to nothing. But what about this situation? Where I am clearly pushing her away... I feel like I have my reasons, but are they legitimate or am I just set up on a path of failure for most friends. The friends I do keep in real touch with, are all either miles away or busy, so we don't see each other that much. I think it's hard for me to have people just "drop in" whenever they feel like it - especially when there is no plan for what we're going to do. Nothing to talk about, the awkwardness drives me crazy. And in the end I feel like I am some kind of failure, that there is something I should be doing that I am not, that this is all my fault. I have come to realize that in some ways I am a very selfish person with my time. With some of my friends I could spend all my time with them and love it, but others I grow weary of very quickly. Here it is especially hard to have friendship boundaries with other patients here, because the door is always open and they can come in whenever they please. And I am not rude enough to ask them to leave outright - unless I am like throwing up or something. The other day was especially annoying when she brought over one of her friends to meet me and I was literally throwing up in a cup as she was making introductions. I tried to smile, and wave, and I thought they would get the point that this was not a good time for a visit, but no, my mom walked to the door (I think it was in an effort to give me a little privacy since they were not getting the hint to move on).. until finally I was extremely annoyed and asked the tech by my bed to ask them to move on down the hall. When our friendship first blossomed I was very open with her.. as I am with a lot of people I first meet. Maybe too much, and then I end up resenting it later? I don't think I would have resented it but in my opinion she began to take liberties that were not hers to take. For instance, telling me when friends or family of mine were planning on visitng me - before I knew of it myself, having read it off my facebook or actually chatting with them through facebook. She is in her 40's (although she acts younger, she doesn't have a mental disability of any kind) and was actually interested in "pursuing" my uncle. I asked her not too, that it would never work out because he has odd habits and stuff. Yet, she disregarded my request and then had the nerve to tell me that the reason he had told her that it would never work was because "there is too many rules at long-term care facilities and I could never make you happy" - she took that to mean that all he wanted was sex. I tried not to show it, but it made me fiercely angry, he's a devout Christian and no, that is not what he was saying at all. Yes, I am sure when he gets married he wants to have a normal sexual relationship but not just for "sex" that is so crude to me, no, he wants to have a wife with kids and stuff. Do the whole dad thing. It just made me so mad that she would rush to a judgement like that about someone she hardly knew. Especially after I requested she not make advances like that anyway. It soon became apparent that she was "glomming" on every person I knew as a new potential friend for herself. Which, I can see that she is lonely.. but that just got overwhelming for me. I felt like everything about my life was being shadowed by a friend I didn't know that much about either. So now, I feel like I am trying to extricate myself, delicately, politely, I just crave DISTANCE. And it has become apparent to her that things aren't like they were before. I just don't know what to say to her anymore. I don't even like going on Facebook chat, even though I have many people I want to chat with - just because she's always there and I can't escape from it. I took the step of blocking her from seeing my Facebook "wall" and my friend's list. I just need somethings that are just "mine." And as I type that I realize how selfish that sounds. I don't want her involved with every member of my family or friend I have. I don't think that is healthy. I just don't know what to do. Is this some fundamental failure I have at making and keeping friends? Is this behavior that I find border-line creepy, something else entirely? And just to make it clear, she definitely has friends of her own, that visit her regularly, so it's not dire loneliness on her part. Anyone? Advice, suggestions, has this happened to anyone else before? | 
